Friday, July 27, 2018

The End

As many of you guessed, I decided to end my blog.  Why I never published the last several entries, I can't say.  I was just so bummed about how things turned out that I just walked away.  Anyway, I thought I owed those of you who followed and asked an explanation so I published them all tonight.  I appreciate your interest and I wish you all the best.

Monday, May 23, 2016

This may be the end

So the other night I was awake in the middle of the night.  I had begun to realize that the reason my scrotum was burning was because it was filled with fluid.  I began to squeeze the fluid out which seemed to work but it kept returning.  So I got online and did some research and realized that this is not a normal condition.  Its called hydrocele and can have several causes including inflammation and injury to the scrotum.

That was it.  It was time to raise the white flag.  I requested that Ellie remove the device and were not going to put it back on.  Considering the number of issues and the discomfort I have suffered you would think I would be happy to be rid of it, but to be honest I have been really depressed the last couple days.  I'm depressed because the removal of the device signifies the end.  Not the end of our FLR but it is the end of this chapter and for me, it ends a lot of excitement.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Could use some advice...

Well I healed up within about 5 days, which was surprisingly quickly considering the way it looked at first.  As soon as possible, the chastity device was back on again.  I really want to get a quality device but I'm having a terrible time.  I'm looking at the MM birdcage as that one seems to be the one many people use with success.  There are a lot of decisions to make when selecting a device like this because so much can be customized.  I have to wait for Ellie to take it off so I can make measurements.  The real issue I'm having is that I'm still not really comfortable in the device I have.  I still get a significant amount of burning and chaffing and swelling, and downright pain at times.  It feels like the ring is too small.  But I tried the larger ring and I had the issue of my testicle popping out, OUCH!

I'm really torn for how to proceed.  I don't want to spend a ton of money only to find that its no better than the others.  I feel like I'm the only person having all these issues.  I don't hear others who are in chastity telling accounts like the ones I have.  Not fitting well is one thing but I'm always worried that we could be doing some lasting damage to my junk.  I'm running to the bathroom often to adjust and sometimes in meetings at work I'm climbing the walls waiting to get out so I can get to a bathroom.  I've tried every kind of lubricant and creme I can think of and I've tried using nothing.  Petroleum jelly seems to work best but its messy and its helpful effects only last long enough to be rubbed off by my clothes.

If any of you guys or ladies who are more experienced with this would be willing to help Ellie and I, I would appreciate it.  Ellie wants me to stay in chastity and I want to comply but I'd rather not be miserable all the time.

Monday, May 9, 2016

Chastity Update - Part 3- Disaster Strikes

Well, I can officially say that I have now experienced the full gamut of trauma to my boy parts!  I mentioned that the new chastity device that Ellie purchased was a very inexpensive model.  She didn't really expect that I would use it long, but because it came with three ring sizes and only cost 5 dollars more than the sizing rings that are available for purchase from one of the more expensive manufacturers of chastity equipment, she decided that it was a better choice in the short run.

Well!  One of the short comings of the cheap devices is that many are not made of real stainless steel.  So they begin to rust almost immediately.  We were aware of this.  I was also aware that often the welding done on these devices is not the best so often times you may receive a device that has rough spots.  I can tell you from experience that even the smallest imperfections can cause significant irritation to the somewhat delicate skin in that area of the body.  This is an important point when selecting a device.

This brings me to my current predicament.  For those of you ladies who wouldn't know, wearing a chastity device is a sacrifice in several ways.  First, you give up peeing standing up.  Second, the metal devices are heavy, you always know they are there.  Third, they can be fairly uncomfortable at times, especially when you have an erection.  Finally, and this is one you may not have heard about, there is a fair amount of ajusting that needs to be done throughout the day.  I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that things move around and you can get pretty uncomfortable necessitating adjustments.  For me, this often entails going to the rest room and pulling on my scrotum to pull it further through the ring to relieve pressure on my testicles.

So, I had been wearing this device for almost two weeks and I was beginning to have a burning sensation that was growing on the underside of my member near the base.  So despite my new rule, I requested release under the emergency clause of Ellie's rule.  What I found when I removed the device was frankly frightening.  The base ring of the tube when manufactured had been cut and welded together but there was a very small gap.  As I had been pulling on my skin it had gotten caught in this gap and basically tore the skin on my penis.  Bottom line, I had a gaping bloody hole that almost looked infected.

Needless to say the chastity device is now off once more and I am tending to my wound to ensure that it heals as quickly as possible.  The things we men do for our women!

So, now I can officially say that I believe that I have made every error humanly possible as it relates to chastity and while I know that this post is disgusting and not the least bit exciting to read, I think it may be one of the more important posts I have written.  The whole reason I write this blog is so that it might help someone else who's trying to find there way in this lifestyle so I try to write the good the bad and the ugly.

Today was ugly.

Not sure when I will get back into chastity.  If there's a silver lining to this story its that there's really no way for me to masturbate at this point even with the device off.  Here's hoping it heals soon.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Chastity Update - Part 2

I mentioned the details of my new chastity device in my last post.  As I said, things are much different now that I have a device that fits me better.  Because of this, I am much more comfortable (litterally) being in full time chastity.

Today while I was at work I began to get a stream of text messages from Ellie.  She told me that now that she is more comfortable with my being in chastity she is making some changes to our relationship.  Effective immediately the following are now in place:

1.  I am not permitted under any circumstances or for any reason ( other than an emergency) to request that my chastity device be removed.  Ellie doesn't even want me to bring up the fact that I am in chastity.

2.  I am not permitted to ask for intercourse either, since this is equivalent to requesting release from chastity.

3.  If (and this one is the killer) Ellie asks me if I wish to be released or to have intercourse, I am required to try my very best to convince her that it would be better both for her and for me if she did NOT release me!  I may make any argument I please and I may offer her alternatives to my release, such as oral sex, or the use of a dildo.  Then after I have made my argument she will simply decide if she agrees with me or not.  If she agrees, no release.  If I make a compelling argument but she disagrees, then I MAY be released.

4.  If I fail on any of these points, or if Ellie is unconvinced that I was sincere about wanting to stay locked up, then my time in chastity will be extended for an unspecified period until such time as Ellie sees fit to ask me if I would like to be released again.  At this point the cycle repeats at point 1.

What's funny is, quite a long time ago, before I was in chastity, I read something sort of similar to this somewhere, I really can't remember where.  At the time I mentioned it to Ellie and she chuckled but nothing more was said about it.  I'm going to have to be careful what I share with her in the future!  I'm trying to think back over all the conversations about chastity we have had over the years to see what other ideas I may have given her.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Chastity Update

I mentioned a while back that Ellie bought me a new chastity device.  Truth be told we really haven't been doing chastity as much in recent months.  The Holy Trainer 2 that I was using had become very uncomfortable for me almost all the time and it really made being in full time chastity very difficult.

The biggest difficulty I had was that my testicles kept popping out between the ring and the tube.  Let me tell you, THAT IS PAINFUL!  And if it happens while at work and you don't have a key, well you get the picture.  Getting a smaller ring really wasn't an option either.  The ring was the correct size.  The problem was the space between the tube and the ring was too wide and unfortunately, because the device is made from a somewhat flexible plastic, with wear it got wider.  I even tried to correct this by wrapping rubber around the ring to try and close the gap a bit but that made the ring very uncomfortable on my scrotum.  As the weeks wore on it became more and more difficult to maintain especially given the discomfort.  I found myself avoiding putting it back on  even when told.  Eventually I stopped all together.

As many of you in chastity know, once the device is off hands will wander, so things started to deteriorate rapidly.  My eating went to pot, Ellie even said my attitude went down hill.  So it was no surprise to me when I got the mail a week ago and there was a nondescript package inside.  Once open I realized Ellie had purchased me a new chastity device.  I think she made a really good choice.

Rather than spend a bunch of money on a new device from one of the well known manufacturers she purchased a cheap knock off device from Amazon.  She has no intention of this being my permanent device but it only cost 20.00 and she wanted me to try it to see how the design worked before we spent several hundred dollars on a new one.  We know this one will likely not last long, but I have been wearing it for a week now and the preliminary results are positive.

We'll see how it turns out...

Monday, April 18, 2016

Madam CEO - Decision Making

Many people when looking at the Female Led Marriage lifestyle consider it to be very one sided.  The wife gets all the benefit and the husband gets nothing.  For those of us actually in FLMs we know different.  A FLM is really just a different way of differentiating work.

Think about it this way; in a typical egalitarian marriage there are a set of tasks that need to be completed in the home.  Both individuals in the marriage theoretically divide the work equally between them and they each do their chores.  Sex is viewed the same way, both should give equally and receive equally.  I can tell you that in reality THIS NEVER HAPPENS!!!  There are a lot of very practical reasons why.  People's schedules vary, their mood varies, their energy levels vary.  People go through busy seasons at work.  One may work more hours than the other.  Then children come, and everything gets thrown into a tailspin.  Inevitably the division of work either ends up unequal, or the perception of the division of work by one of the individuals in the marriage is that the work is divided unequally.  Psychologists refer to this as cognitive dissonance.  It's the mental tension that exists when a person senses a difference between their expectations and their reality.  This tension often spills over into the physical life affecting the whole marriage.

The reality is that an egalitarian marriage is largely an ideal that can never be achieved.  The cognitive dissonance felt by a great many in their marriages is the cause of a great deal of unhappiness particularly among women in married relationships.

Now think of a factory for a moment.  What if every morning all of the employees showed up to work at the same time in the same room.  All of the executives, engineers, accountants, secretaries, line workers, and cleaning people  all on the floor of the factory.  Now the CEO steps forward and says, OK people I want everyone to put in a good days work.  Make sure that you all do the same amount of work.  Now everyone goes to work but no one has a role, so the accountants are working on the line for one hour while the cleaning people are trying to work the CAD program on the computer.  The secretaries are preparing financial statements, and the accountants are placing want adds in the newspaper.  After one hour they all rotate jobs and for the next hour they have a new role.

You can see from this silly example that trying to run an egalitarian workplace is really impossible.  If this fictitious company actually tried this, it would end in disaster.  So why do we try to hold our marriages to a standard that they could never possibly meet?  

The CEO of a company has a role, and ultimately one of their primary roles is to make decisions.  The decisions they make will determine whether or not the organization has success or failure.  No one looks at the CEO and says, I don't think you did your fair share of the work today, even if its true!  The reason is because you cannot measure a CEOs work in the same way you measure the output of a line worker in a factory.  If a front line worker makes 1000 widgets today the company might make $10,000.  But if the CEO conceptualizes a new product that catches on, one decision, the company could make millions of dollars.  Both roles are critically important, both roles are necessarily different.

We need to stop making our husbands and wives into equals trying to split hairs all day and keeping score of who's doing more or less.  In my home, my FEO, makes the decisions, I work the line.  Its that simple.  Could I be the FEO? Well, I was for many years, and it didn't go so well.  But since Ellie took over the FEO role, our home runs more smoothly than it ever has before.  It's easy for us to see that this is a better path for us.